This is to the world and how goddamn beautiful it is.
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"Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go on an overnight drunk, and in 10 days I’m going to set out to find the shark that ate my friend and destroy it. Anyone who wants to join me is more than welcome." - The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou (2004)
The life aquatic? Married to a mermaid.
The wife aquatic.
Huh huh, man that’s dumb.
I hope the other kids like me
Tomorrow is my first day back at school after a three year hiatus. I’ll no longer be a college drop out. Fuck yeah. Not that I minded, but people judge, ya know?
I get so exhausted telling and retelling my ‘story’. All the more so because it is personal and I have to water it down to the very air headed “Ohhh I just couldn’t settle on a career -giggle-“
I had a violent, depressive childhood, then sprinted away to college. But it’s really hard to function effectively (or at all) when you have extreme trauma you haven’t faced or dealt with. I couldn’t do school that first time around. It was very low on the priority list. And I shouldn’t have tried for two years, ugh, I will forever lament that waste of money.
Anyway. The last three years have been good for me, and I am happy to be pressing on. It took a bit to create a stable, healthy life for myself but now I feel invincible.
This time around I am sitting in the first row, which will be a big step up from not making it to class.
I am fully committed to being a teacher’s pet, which is a bit different than being too scared and self conscious to ask for help.
Suddenly thinking back to a time I politely complained about one of my lab TAs to my professor and it backfired, only serving to estrange me from my professor and leave me embarrassed. Being an extremely proud (nearly haughty?) person means nothing is worse than embarrassment. Cringe. Sweat bead. Hope that doesn’t happen again. I torment myself like this, bringing up old shames the night before a fresh start.
At the very least, I have all the coolest school supplies, move over freshman.
Girl, let me get that jacket.
We can only be friends if you’re kind of an asshole. Not full blown asshole because that’s no fun. And if you’re not an asshole at all then that won’t work either. A halfway asshole. Those are my kind of people.
If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.
..but if you don’t have anything nice to say, come sit next to me.
A Seascape, Shipping by Moonlight by Claude Monet